Currently Listening
Elevation
By Yonder Mountain String Band

When did I become one of those people that goes to church retreats?

What I loved about it though was the focus on spirituality rather than relaxing and reading the bible. Really, is it relaxing to read the bible? No, it isn't, not for me. I got to do a unicursal labyrinth and last night we had some swing dancing, during which I got to dance with a number of really nice guys. It was like a weekend full of fellowship with each other and getting to know everyone there. So, it was good. As most of you know who read this, the church I attend is extremely liberal. We accept everyone. I mean everyone when I say it too. And people have recognized this and have started attending. For instance, Sam and I shared a bunk room with our Associate Minister Sharon and her wife. It's always nice to enter a space where everyone is accepted and loved, and that was this weekend. I felt like the rest of the world dropped away entirely and it was difficult to come back to the house I have to take care of till Wednesday and all the reading I have to do for class. Oh! And we had a coctail hour with wine and cheese... it was apparently something our minister really wanted to have. People got a bit more interesting after that, probably why more people ended up dancing that I had expected!
Oh, and I am sick. I have a cold which started Friday afternoon. So the weekend wasn't entirely wonderful.

Tomorrow I get to visit with my friend Drew who has spent the last year in France. I've known her since 7th grade, so she stands as my 2nd longest friend, and one of the closest. You know how some friends you have just understand who you are better than others? Well Drew is one of those friends.

Tomorrow I also get to have the doctor tell me how bad my vision has become over the last few years without changing the prescription for my glasses like I should have.

Currently Listening
Vivaldi: Eleven Concertos

I didn't mention that Sunday we also blew out one of the tires on Mom's car on the way to Greeley and had to change it, or would have if some random guy hadn't stopped and changed it for us, without even asking if he was needed. That was service, lemme tell you! We were back on the road again in 15 minutes after he came along.
I'm attempting to study.


Wow, you are really having a tough tire time!! IT's like that week where Ben blew 3 tires because of a car problem, eek!
Posted 9/13/2005 9:27 PM by steph421

You are pure, unadulterated evil.
Posted 9/14/2005 7:44 AM by blu_enigma

Currently Reading
Ecotourism and Sustainable Development: Who Owns Paradise?
By Martha Honey

An interesting weekend. It all seems to have started Wednesday afternoon, when I found my bike tire flat again. Apparently my repair skills aren't up to par, so it still leaked air. Luckily FoCo has a good bus system so I didn't have to wait long to be on my way home bike in tow (the busses can carry bikes!). Thursday night right before I left for the Girl Scout Basics session I was a trainer for I got a phone call from the Apartment Life director letting me know I did get a spot starting Sept 28th in the International House which was surprising news. So, I'll most likely be moving out around a week after my parents get back from Italy. Perfect timing actually... while I miss them to an extent, I know how hard it will be to go back to their style of living rather than continue my own.

Sam also spent the weekend at home, which was a nice break from being kinda lonely. Friday night we went to volunteer at the first meeting of the huge Studio 2B troop for Girl Scouts 11-17 that the council and other volunteers is trying to form because so many of the troops in this age-group dissolve because girls become too busy, Girl Scouts isn't meeting their needs, it has become an uncool extracurricular, or a combination of the latter. We had maybe 30-35 girls at the event and all seemed excited to be there and glad to see Sam and I as some of the only non-moms there (and decidedly well under traditional "mom age", therefore according to GS Nationals we're "teen-savvy"). I told the leader of the troop, Diane, that I'd help out when I could because I think it is a good idea and we really do need to work as hard as we can to keep more girls that age in Girl Scouts. I believe Girl Scouts has done so much for me, I want to give that to other girls. But, they have to stay in the group!

Oh, and I met two other young women who sounded interested in a Campus Girl Scouts group, if anything as a way to socialize with people our own age and perhaps volunteer for GS. Good, this is good.

Church was church. We're about to vote on a capital campaign that will require considerable support in many forms from all of the members if it passes. They want to add on to the church, replace outdated electric and water facilities... make the place something that can meet our growing needs now and in the future. Not a bad idea. I don't have money, so I guess if I vote yes, I'll have to ask Hal or Sharon what I can do to help in other ways.
You know, there are few things that I really truly believe in and know a lot about, things that I can advocate and not feel that usual feeling I have that I actually know nothing. These two are Girl Scouts and the United Church of Christ. I would have never imagined saying that 2nd one, never never. I am not a big fan of Christianity taking over everything and homogenizing the world, however something in me says that if more people came to my church, the world would start to look like a better place (to those who tend towards liberalism, anyways) faster. I feel that more than advocating any specific God, we advocate love and peace!
And that's all the religious I'll get for today. I didn't say I was comfortable discussing my convictions concerning religion, however strongly I may feel. Forgive for any uncomfortableness this post has caused while reading! Rest assured, it won't happen again anytime soon!
'night:)


The sermon today wasn't that bad. The reading was about forgiveness...you know, don't forgive 7 times, but 70 x 7...and he used that to discuss America's attitude after 9/11.
Somewhere along the way, we confused justice with revenge and totally ignored how Jesus advocated forgiveness.
Posted 9/11/2005 11:29 PM by blu_enigma

I'm glad Sam came home with you over the weekend. Congrats on getting a place to live!! I'll have to check that site out later & see where they're putting my Heather. Good for you finding things you're really passionate about, too.
Posted 9/12/2005 7:11 AM by steph421

Currently Reading
Wilderness and the American Mind, Fourth Edition
By Roderick Nash

So, tell me this, does the elimination of a city's Human Rights Resource and Education Office sound like a good idea to anyone besides the City of Fort Collins Government? Oh, and cutting affordable housing, that sounds like a brilliant plan too. But it's ok because we're going to be creating MORE protected area/public lands so at least the homeless people will have somewhere pretty to be miserable in.

Honestly, I know I'm studying how to manage protected areas and such, and I'm supposed to be all for the preservation of the landscape... and I am. However, our government seems to have placed the preservation of public lands at too high an importance compared to other public necessities I believe a government should provide it's citizens... and face it, the people who need the services they are cutting most likely aren't well heard during the voting process anyways, unlike those who would vote for the preservation of open space.

Maybe it's time to step back as a government from the direct preservation of open space with city tax money and focus more on the fact that Colorado State has one of the best Natural Resource programs in the country. Perhaps the students and faculty at CSU could take a more active role in helping preserve the open space and in trying to bring in more money from other private organizations to do what many citizens (to be fair) appear to be requesting! Maybe I'm being unfair in thinking that the city isn't already doing that, and maybe they are taking in lots of money from other ogranizations to help with the focus on natural resources.

Anyways, I suppose this bothers me because I worked at the library and the library will be affected by the choices the city is making. I feel a tad more sensitive knowing how much good our library does and how patrons are just not going to understand when services get cut back yet again. It makes me mad that sometimes the best public services, because they rely so much on the city's income, can get hit the worst in times of budget crisis.

http://www.coloradoan.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20050907/NEWS01/509070301/1002


Uh oh, a Heather rant! And a little surprising, too. All very interesting points. Hey, side note...I found out that the new dean of my school is actually from Fort Collins..he was a professor or dean at CSU. I told him about you yesterday!
Posted 9/9/2005 4:52 PM by steph421

Currently Listening
A Picture of Nectar
By Phish


back from an incredibly amazing weekend! I got to hang out with all my favorite people, and also my new favorite dog. I stayed with Ben and Steph so Steph and I had plenty of time for late night talks similar to when we roomed together and often lost hours of sleep for all the talks we had late at night. I love that girl! Friday night amazingly we ran into most of the people I wanted to see at Southwind theatre during the blackout, so we all went out to Chili's and had some drinks and nachos and chatted.

On Saturday we took Maggie to the dog park at Clinton. Maggie is the Bammes' new dog who is the cutest ever and is one of the few dogs that doesn't scare me. Then we went swimming, and traveled to the game ridiculously early. We had some nice seats, but I think sitting out in the hot humid weather for so long having just gotten to KS and not aclimating myself first was a bit too harsh of a thing to do. I'm still tired. Sunday I saw my Hannah and we ate lunch together and talked forever about things we normally talk about;) She's working with AmeriCorps/VISTA now and gets to be a part of the new center for service learning at KU. WOO to that! Then a bunch of us went to The Constant Gardener. An amazing movie, the cinematography was really interesting and done well throughout. Thought-provoking to say the least, despite being fictional.

And now I'm home to an empty house for a few weeks! This evening I watered the plants and did laundry and made dinner. Now I'm finally sitting down to study.

There's the laundry-list for the weekend. kinda boring, I know. :) 'night!

Thank you again so much for coming!! We all had such a great time. Maggie smiled at your entry :)
Posted 9/6/2005 7:19 AM by steph421

It was good to see you too! Hope things go well in the big CO, and good luck on that Peace Corps app!=)
Posted 9/7/2005 12:16 AM by Shannona

I'll be visiting Kansas this weekend. I'm glad, it will be nice to be back where people know me and like me (not that they don't know me or like me here). You guys just have more experience with me! Probably not the best idea all around... visiting there could bring back the idea that I don't have near as many good friends in CO. Also, it may be bad for me academically... what with there being so much reading I have to do. So I've got this uneasy feeling in my stomach which persists and make me think I'll drive off the road or something on the way there, as if I haven't made this trip many times before. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to be going and so amazed and greatful that so many of my friends are excited to have me come and visit and spend time with them. But it could be a bit painful. Meh.

I think I may have an idea of a 'problem' I'd like to study for my graduate program. It's not the area I had expected... tourism... but given I have no experience in either ecotourism or protected area management it's something that I've actually come up with a question I'd like to help solve. I figure from what I've heard of ecotourism too, that the concepts surrounding what makes it ecotourism could be applicable to general parks management in some areas. So, even if I don't want to have a career in ecotourism, perhaps the knowledge is transferrable?
Or maybe I'm just over-rationalizing
oh, and I'm going to audit the undergrad class I'm in so I dont' have to do the homework, take the tests and can to an extent come and go with different classes.

Currently Reading
Research Design: Qualitative, Quantitative, and Mixed Methods Approaches
By John W. Creswell

phew! I made it through the first week. I'm intact even. Now it's time for probably my first relaxing and last relaxing weekend (except next weekend in Kansas!!!!!!!!) for quite a while. Tomorrow evening is videogame electronica music in Denver with Ryan and a buddy of his... this could be absolutly hilarious.

The rest of my weekend will be devoted to reading Wicked, doing my stats homework, reading for Ecotourism and reading for my research design class. I am also probably going to get to the rec center to go swimming and or take a class or two. Oh, and church.:)

Currently Reading
Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West
By Gregory Maguire

Woo! Finally the book came in from the library! 'Course, it was just in time for school's massive amount of reading. I'm having to heavily restrict my time reading.:(

Still getting used to being back and not in KS. Luckily my department is small so getting to know people shouldn't be too bad, and my job is another group of people who are potential friends. One of them went to Poudre and graduated IB in 2003! I don't think I ever met him, but I did know some of his friends.

Currently Listening
New Favorite
By Alison Krauss, Union Station

"Walking around with a shovel is just fun!" Dr. Newman
My first class, my first day at grad school...

Dr. Newman was actually referring to a picture of himself he'd put in his ppt. He was referring to being a park ranger one summer and how he just walked around with a shovel all summer and cleaned things and made trails.

Also, another highlight, this one from my job. I'm beginning to think that this could be a very interesting, silly job. We had lunch together today, everyone is now here and working, so we're a crew of 6 now (rather than 3). After pizza Brian's wife, Carol, came and met us with bunches of tie-died shirts. Now, just a little background here: our outfit/uniform for the Little Shop of Physics is a tie-died shirt that says "Little Shop of Physics" on the front and the "tour dates" on the back (dates that schools were visited!). Apparently some upcoming Sunday we will be getting together to make 160 shirts. So, we had to pick the colors. Carol and Brian apparently love to tie-die, because the shirts she brought in were options they had made so we could vote on our favorites. It was super democratic (unlike the election procedure in the US, as Brian mentioned about 5 times) and we narrowed it down to a second elimination. Brian took this very seriously, and we were supposed to, so we did too. These shirts, he said, we would be wearing almost Every Tuesday This Semester and More, so we'd have to like the colors. Finally, after maybe 10 minutes of discussing our options and why we liked each shirt, we decided on a nice option that is cobalt blue, turquois and yellow.

Can you believe that? All the while I was participating part of my mind was in disbelief that such a simple decision as colors for tie-die could be so important and take as much time as it did. Makes me smile. This is who I work for!

Currently Listening
Outside Inside
By String Cheese Incident


Ok school, here I come!

Currently Reading
Life of Pi
By Yann Martel


Man, I don't know what the deal is... perhaps my writing has become more witty, perhaps I am writing about subjects that are more applicable to my general reading public, or perhaps I'm in a happy mood... in any case, it rocks getting so many comments, so thanks:)
Went to Late Night at Lory Student Center tonight. Unlike KU, CSU does not have any sort of arrangement with a beverage company, so there were no free drinks to horde. Also, not so much free stuff being given out. The only free stuff I could find worth anything were henna tattoos (looooonnnngggg line), glow in the dark necklaces and make your own whiteboard (the last two were done by the Alumni Association, go figure).

I'm so excited to start! I went by the NRRT (Natural Resource Recreation and Tourism) office today to find out how to get a key to my office, and while there stopped by to say high to my advisor. His name is Stu, he's a cute guy somewhere in his 40s... kinda what you might consider 'cool dad' cute if he were a dad. He dates someone from Estonia who is coming to CSU for graduate study and at one point he was looking at elementary schools for her 12 year old daughter. Top that off with the fact that he's partly bald and the fact that he really wanted me to take his Ecotourism class but never actually asked me to take it! That's the 'cute' my advisor is.

Anyways. Late Night to me conjures up images of Roy Williams, Bill Self, or bad sorority skits... not lazer tag or a Halo Competition in the Student Center at CSU.

It's strange how you can grow accustomed to names for certain items. I grew up here, so I was used to a 'student center' being called the student center. Attending KU I had to get used to calling the 'student center' a Union. Now I'm calling Lory Student Center the Union and confusing everyone, especially myself!

Oh, the best part about the Late Night here was something KU has never done at UnionFest. Apartment Life had a tea display and were giving out cups of tea and baklava. :)

Oooh, an ecotourism class sounds fascinating!
Posted 8/21/2005 11:32 AM by blu_enigma

Currently Listening
Ice Caps: Peaks of Telluride
By Sam Bush


So today I mentioned to Brian that I love the dentist (having just been there). He said he'd never heard anyone say that before. Now, I know the lore is that dentists are hated and people just don't like to go there. Honestly, I am always so happy when I come out of there. My teeth are sparkling clean, no plaque, and every time I leave the dentist I know at least one part of me is perfect (even the dentist says so... though it isn't exactly true). So yes, I like going to the dentist. HA!
However, the last time I went to the doctors was forever ago...

The 'grad student/faculty retreat' tonight was really really good. It is a smallish department and everyone I met and who talked seemed so nice. I don't think one professor DIDN'T say that their door is always open and to visit them. There are lots of us new students and being new forges bonds I've found. You guys would be so proud of me. I wasn't a wallflower! So, I'm excited. The only thing I'm worrying about now is the fact that I'm taking 13 credits and working 20+ hours a week at a very involved job. Everyone I've met tells me that 13 credits is a lot. So, we'll see how I do. I'm crazy busy most of the time anyways, so at least that won't be new.

Oh, and the crazy news of the day is that I now have two offices on campus. One from my department, and the one I mentioned yesterday. The graduate students in my program also now are gaining a Grad Student Lounge this year. I won't ever have to go home. I can sleep in the lounge and use the computers in the library. lol I guess that is the life of a grad student and often of professors.
all in all, a good day.

Mary told me this year is "the extroverting of Hannah". Maybe it's "the extroverting of Heather" too.
Posted 8/17/2005 8:26 PM by blu_enigma
I'm helping my sister move into her dorm room on Thursday. I'm moving back to Lawrence on Friday. On Tuesday, I'm flying to New Mexico for my orientation. I get back on Thursday, and I start on Friday. So yeah.
Posted 8/17/2005 10:23 PM by blu_enigma

I can't believe you're a grad student...it's so weird to think that a lot of my friends will be or are becoming grad students. Good luck!!Terri
Posted 8/18/2005 10:51 AM by BluesOn22s

I think you are sick for liking the dentist. Today I went to Watkins and asked if student health insurance covered dentists or eye doctors (I need to go to both), and they said no, neither. I told them that was okay, I will die at an early age with bad eyes and teeth because I was too poor as a student to afford dr. visits hehe Ben hasn't been to the dentist in 3 years! I know that's kinda gross, but we can't afford it and his parents couldn't afford it either. We also don't have life insurance, so don't kill us! hehe
Posted 8/18/2005 2:03 PM by steph421
I have no idea what the point of that little tidbit was, but I guess it was a "yay you're a grad student and you're destined to be poor another few years!" haha
Posted 8/18/2005 2:03 PM by steph421

Thanks, Heather! Good luck to you as well! Absolutely love the picture, btw!
Posted 8/19/2005 7:46 PM by uruka

Currently Reading
Cartoon Guide to Physics
By Larry Gonick, Art Huffman

The new job...
A nice environment. My own office with two computers. I can do pretty much anything with it as far as Brian has mentioned. He likes saying "We can do that... We're the Little Shop of Physics, we can do anything." It should be encouraging, but I have a feeling he's realizing I don't really know Final Cut Pro all that well (and I never told him I did). An annoying feeling. Kenn is nice, he's one of the other workers, kinda second in charge. He likes to walk around barefoot.
The other interns (3) arrive next week. I'll feel better then when there are other people around who haven't worked at the LSOP before. I can only hope that the other interns are also not all physics students, because that would make me a way minority, especially not liking physics in the first place. lol

But, I love the simple science they do, and the tv show (Everyday Science) is about science and basic scientific principles that I DO know (it would be worrysome if I didn't!).
You wouldn't think life was all that different just a few months out of school and on my own. I couldn't have believed the difference, and not just in daily activities. It seems like a shift in my mindset too. I feel more alone than before, and I also feel, well I guess kinda scared or intimidated. Fortunately I am continuing my education, but still the realization that I'll be working the rest of my life, and now for an actual REASON, is staggering. I guess all I can say is thank goodness for having people to talk to about it. So thanks Naomi, Jenny and Ryan. You guys make being a twentysomething easier.

Tomorrow: Dentist appt and a NRRT graduate student meeting and get to know you BBQ! I made the most amazing cake:)

Currently Listening
Lost and Gone Forever
By Guster

Whew. Well that's done, for the most part. I've moved in to the new place (shhhh, it's my parents' house!) and have managed to get at least my desk and computer and my internet connection all set up and established. At least one corner of my room is somewhat organized.
My last day at the library is tomorrow, and my first day at my new job is MONDAY!!!!!! YAY!

So I'm moving into my old room and the terrible truth has been revealed. It was something I had managed to avoid all four years of college, but now I have to confront it again. I am a packrat. I horde, I save, I file. I am so upset, why do I have all this crap from high school? I start projects and never finish them, so I have tons of half finished projects stuffed up in my closet and my accumulated 'wealth' from college will not fit once I move it in.
I need to be like other people who don't horde and save stupid notes from a class in 9th grade. Any advice from those of you who are normal?
oh, and I am getting rid of more things than I can imagine I had. Finally I'm taking back the mess... but how do I avoid getting into the habit again?
uhg

Oh goodness, I am just now learning to not be a pack rat...though you wouldn't be able to to tell that from the closet in my room at my parents' house, LoL!
Posted 8/10/2005 8:43 PM by BluesOn22s

I am NOT normal because I keep everything, too!! I try to cut back, but it's soooo hard. I have lots of notes & letters from 7th grade even! haha oh well. just get lots of target cube storage space & shoe boxes :)
Posted 8/10/2005 9:33 PM by steph421

I had my first training and it went well. The teaching experience helped for sure. It was intimidating but luckily my co-trainer was really great and is very experienced! She's been to Edith Macy center in New York!
I'm moving out this week :( boo. It's sad, because we've been getting along great and have a new neighbor who's a meteorology grad student from Nebraska. But, that is life for sure.
Time to go to bed!

Currently Listening
Shakira: MTV Unplugged
By Shakira


You know, I'm actually starting to realize how neat it is to have friends all over the country and the world! I know I can now go visit people in Kansas, Missouri, Texas (way too many friends in Texas... lol), North Carolina, France etc... I'm sure there are more... I just can't think of them right now. So friends of mine, you are experiencing a slightly changed Heather, one who is looking forward to the future full of new friends and visiting old ones, much more so than looking backwards (what a difference!).

Otherwise today and tomorrow I'll be buying my textbooks (maybe) and getting my PC application done (stupid essays!).
20 days till school starts!!

oh, and I finally met one of the other graduate students my advisor will be advising. She's kinda new -she's completed a semester- and is much (how much?) older than I. She's nice and so accomplished (did the Americorps and Peace Corps already) but has a very different perspective on CO than I do. She's from Oregon... imagine me in Kansas wondering why people are so backwards environmentally... she thinks that of Coloradoans!

Yay Charlie and the Chocolate Factory! If you haven't seen this movie yet, you should go see it!
I do my first apprentice traning on this coming Saturday... a week from today. Yikes! At least I'll get it over with soon, that first training.

I'm off to get that stupid Peace Corps application in.

oh, and ps - guys who joke about having to 'find a wife, house, etc...' because society expects it really make me mad.

PLANTAINS!!
Public - 8:51 PM -

Mmmmm! I made some good dinner tonight. And oddly enough I can't remember the name of the main course... it was what Emily made at the hall... with black beans and rice and tortillas. AH! I can't believe I can't remember. I ate it less than an hour ago. I'm ridiculous.
Anyhow, it was tasty. And Laura ate it and enjoyed it (yay!). She's not picky, but I'm always worried what people will think of my food.
We had mango too. It was to die for. What we had were like bananas, but you have to cook them to eat them. Dang, what were they called?

Well, anyways! Hopefully I'll be heading up into the mountains soon. Despite tomorrow being my first entire day off since last Saturday (over a week here w/o a day off), I will most likely be doing laundry so I have socks to wear to work Thursday. Uhg! But next week I may go camping if I get 2 days off! I'm continuing to volunteer with Girl Scouts and it is really very nice. I'm getting to know everyone there and it just feels really good to know that they are happy to have my help, however little it feels like I am helping. It's great, I'm working in an office full of smart women... I haven't seen a guy there yet. I think one does work there, but maybe he leaves before I get there or something.

Joy! I've ridden my bike to work yesterday and today! Avoiding the hot interior that is my car is so worth being kinda sweaty at work the first few minutes. Gross, huh?

I work 8 hours today, but luckily have a break of about 3 hours in between my two shifts.
Has anyone ever seen Lost on TV? Reruns are playing on CBS this summer and it's a really interesting show. It is the Wednesday night show I watch when I'm home for "family night."

Currently Listening
In My Hands
By Natalie Macmaster

Home, again, but this time I'm spending the night because tomorrow I take Sam down to her counseling job at church camp. You know, that sounds super religious, church camp... and I guess it is when you are there, but I don't think I could belong to a more liberal denomination, unless I was Unitarian. Even the liberal churches have church camp too folks!

I wrote this poem in January that I read again recently and thought was so applicable to my being out here in CO when so many people I know and love I left in Kansas and others I know and love have moved away from F/C (eg: Naomi to Texas this week). I wish I could type it here for you to read, my friends to whom this poem applies, but sadly I didn't bring my (real) journal with me and you will just have to wait in suspense till I 1) have my journal and 2) am simultaneously at a location with internet access. I think I like the poem being more appropriate to the present than the reason why I wrote the poem.

The weather is hot and sticky in Colorado. Our high was 98o today. It's the kind of weather that makes me feel drained and dull. Weather that makes me take my car and then sweat profusely when I should really be riding my bike (which would be cooler). The brightness in the surroundings seems to have become more dull as well. I'm hoping for some more rain to brighten things up again. The grass is turning brown.

I really like fall. I know it is the season that everything starts to go dormant and loose its color, but before it all goes nature gives us such a spectacular explosion of dying color! I'm looking forward to my first fall in Colorado in four years, Colorado has a very distinctive "fall smell." The breeze seems to come straight off the mountains and the scent of pine fills the air along with a clear quality that seems to blow the ozone away from our cities (which is beginning to become a very big problem here along the Front Range). The air feels lighter and on occasion you start to smell burning fires from fireplaces. I'm so glad we get a fairly lengthy fall, from late September to (sometimes) early December. But the best month of all, by far, is October (and no it isn't because of my birthday). This month is when the weather finally comes out of the late Indian Summer and begins to cool down. Sometimes we get small snowstorms, usually around Halloween (I've been a Snow Bunny for Halloween before... not of my own choosing). This month is when the leaves are the most brilliant and the smell in the air is most unique to the season. Then November arrives and we get dreary grey days and rain. Real Colorado snow often doesn't arrive till January, at least along the Front Range.

I guess it is the best thing that I came back to Colorado. I must be in love.
I think that's the end of that. You've put up with enough musing.

I love Heather musings about the weather, the environment, life in general...hehe always enjoyable! I'm going bridal dress shopping today with the gals- should be tiring but fun!
Posted 7/9/2005 8:01 AM by steph421

Currently Reading

Tokyo Cancelled

By Rana Dasgupta


Laura is away for a few days to go and visit Scott. We had a tiff about the fact that I still want to move out and into the International House in August since now the other roommate punked out on her. Grr.
4th of July was nice, however! At one point we were in an alley in downtown (during the day, and we were actually traversing it to get somewhere) and ran across some cast-away rolly chairs, with which we had some fun (picture myself careening down an empty alley on a rolly chair!).
I'm reading this great book currently. I picked it up by chance at the CSU library a week ago. You should check it out if you like crazy stories. Honestly, some of them are a bit far out there and I'm not that incredibly fond of them, but overall it's an interesting book.
I'm starting to volunteer at the Girl Scout Service Center this week. I'm glad to have something to do with my time that is more important than working at the library or lounging around the house!



Hi My Heather! I'm sorry to hear you and Laura had a little tiff- i'm sure it'll be smoothed out by the time she comes back. Glad to hear things are going well and you're using your summer time productively!!
Posted 7/6/2005 10:22 PM by steph421

Woo, I finally got pictures from Celebration three. Please feel free to view them on my yahoo pictures site. You can get there by going to my facebook page and clicking on the link. WOO!
Life is kinda plodding along, but I'm content. I'm realizing more and more that despite my initial instinct to question things in life (due, no doubt, to being a scientist) some things don't have answers. I'm able to do this with God and with my faith, accept that I don't know, but with things in every-day life I'm not so good at that. I'm getting there though. I think that otherwise I'd probably be sadder.


I'm off to go make enchiladas for Laura and I, while trying to teach her how!

So, apparently the CSU Bookstore job isn't going to happen. Yay for being over-qualified. But on the positive side I'll start working 21 hours a week July 11th because Judy at work gave me the chance to pick up an additional shift till Fall.


I didn't say how excited I was that I get to go back up to Keystone twice this summer (and get paid to do so!!) to help with water-testing day, did I? I don't think I even mentioned it. Well, I have to get work off first, but that shouldn't be a problem because I'm requesting it off so far in advance. YAY!


It's been over a week and I'm not doing so bad. He's gotten me back into exploring music again like I was a year or so ago, or maybe more. That's good. And of course a whole host of other things good came from it too.


I'm home tonight to spend time w/ the fam!



So glad I got to talk to you today! Thanks for everything, Heather.
Posted 6/22/2005 10:17 PM by steph421

http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/06/17/schiavo.governor.ap/index.html

Why drag this on, honestly? I'm getting really annoyed with the government feeling like it is their right or like they are duty bound to interfere in private matters, even if they are taken to the supreme court.

I worked 5 hours today, not long by any standard, but I'm tired. Nobody told me when timesheets were due, so I may not get a pay check next Friday. At least it wasn't too many hours. I have a day off tomorrow and am heading up to Mish for a concert. Excited? Yeah, I guess I am. At least I have someone to go with now. Otherwise the news is that my Grandma got her hearing aid and it seems to be working because now she has to tell us to talk less loud!

OK, so the weekend is over. Well, the weekend and Monday, it was like an extended weekend. Sunday after I worked we ate at Big City Burrito (yum!!) and then went up Horsetooth to watch the sunset. That was sweet. Monday we hiked over 10 miles, it rocked but I am so paying for it today. We hiked 4 miles round-trip to Gem Lake before lunch, chilled and ate lunch in Estes Park, bought some fudge and then went to hike Twin Sisters. Twin Sisters is 11,4-- feet. We made it to above treeline, but by then it was 5pm, had taken us 2 hours to get to that point, and we were both hurting. Poor Jason having just come from Kansas too... his lungs didn't like what we were doing to them with all the hiking. I shouldn't have taken him up that high, but he was so determined to get to the top. Anyways, we stopped at 5pm and hiked down, which only took till 6:30. Then we drove back to the Fort and bought a pizza and crashed at the apartment. I now know what "bone tired" is. I don't think I've ever felt that tired, and it was also probably due in part to his emminent departure.
So then he left...
and I went to work. Nothing like a bit of work and crying in front of your supervisor to "get over" a boy. Lol. That and low-fat ice cream (that tasted super good, so no guilt and all the pleasure!) and a meal with your sister can work wonders. At least for a little while.
Good news though! I may be getting a third job at the CSU bookstore. They called back and I may get an interview! It sounded like they thought I was way qualified. Sweet!
I'm off to do something important... or go watch one of the many movies I have checked out from the library and eat more ice cream.
oh yeah... on Saturday before the madness Laura and I hung out at Taste of Fort Collins, had some great food and wine, got henna tattoos and listened to some music. There is nothing better than outdoor music. It was a great day:)

Woohoo! I have a job! Well, a second job, that actually pays the rent. I will be working at the public library (again) for enough to get by! Thank goodness.

I also started babysitting yesterday, and it was something caring for 12 kids under 5 years with only one other person. But it was fun, and the moms gave tips too, so the job ended up pulling in more money than I had expected. The kids are all so cute!

And lastly, the most unexpected news of all, I'm to have a visitor. This weekend. Jason's coming out to visit. Who would have guessed that would happen? Not me.

:)

No girl your actual apartment number didn't work last time I tried. It said it wasn't in service or something...so yeah send it to me again via email or something and I'll call you when I'm not at work! I miss ya.
Posted 6/9/2005 5:53 PM by steph421

Ah time, a funny thing. It just keeps going faster and faster. Just today I realized that it's been something like 2 weeks since I've been back in Fort Collins and Jobless. Well, not anymore!
I got a job babysitting for the Mom's Club (of what, I don't really know). It's for pittance, but at least I'll have some movie money each month.
I'm also enrolled in classes now. I can't wait for the school year to start so I can much more easily start meeting people.
oh, and I probably won't have internet access at my apartment this summer/for a while. I don't know. Since I have no job, I can't really pay for it anyways!
Talked with J a few times the past week. That was nice. I need to buy a phone card so I can call my friends! Toodles!

Toodles? wtf, man...;)
Posted 6/6/2005 5:07 PM by blu_enigma

Heather! I got your message. Tried to call you back on the number you listed for your apt. and it said it wasn't in service currently. Well, I wanted to thank you for calling and hopefully I can get ahold of you soon.
Posted 6/6/2005 10:48 PM by steph421

Life is looking a little better with an interview an application turned into the Public Library today. So, hopefully I'll have at least that job, which, for the summer, will pay the bills even at only 12 hours/week. Other places I have applied: the mall bookstore (B.Dalton), Eddie Bauer (retail... ick!, cool clothes and a discount? Sweet!), an embroidery place at the mall, Blockbuster, the CSU Bookstore (almost, gotta find the app.), and Camelot Music.
Times I've thought about Jason. Innumerable
Way I spent my long weekend? With the family and Laura mainly. Last night was a dinner at the folks with Laura and Sam's boyfriend, Tony. Not bad, good food and a game that was only embarrasing in some moments.
note: balaklava is not baklava. four years at school and I still can't read!

What is wrong that I can't get a job as a recent college graduate?

I graduated! WOO! Tainted by the fact that I had to leave Lawrence and all my friends and that potential relationship that was starting to bloom. Seriously, I have the worst timing ever.
In any case, I've moved into my new apartment with Laura. She's already been there a week so it looked homey already. Then it didn't take very long to get my room looking more homey either. Sam helped me greatly with taking over a bunch of stuff before Dad got of work yesterday. So everything is over there, and I spent the night there last night. But, now I'm back home because I need to do laundry and make phone calls (no phone service in the apartment yet!) and use the internet. Oh, btw, I won't have internet at the apartment (Laura may on her comp.) this summer because as of yet I don't have a job and want to conserve my moola.
I'm meeting Stu (my CSU advisor) tomorrow at 2pm. Yikes!!! I hope he likes me and can help me out.
Don't let anyone ever tell you it's easy moving out and becoming 'independent' becuase if you have parents like mine they make it hard. They care, which is why it is hard. My mom is so worried about me. Which is fine, but I wish I didn't have to hear all about it and get harped on about it.
Phew. Time to continue the job search and start my laundry!

I'm done, officially speaking! I turned in my last final yesterday before my parents, sister, and I went out to eat at Free State.
My parents gave me a digital camcorder for graduation! WOOOOHHOOOOOOO! SO EXCITED! It was exactly what I wanted and has better than 3 CCDs and is really small. Now I get to learn all about it and make my own good films with my own super camera. YAY!
Now today I have to do lots of graduation stuff and pack the trailer. I always feel when I'm packing that there isn't much stuff, but then when it gets put in the car it ends up being a lot more than I had thought.
I spent late last night out with Jessica and Jason, which was super fun. Needed because the Tensie Awards turned out to be a sham. I felt sure that my documentary would win something... it was up for maybe 5 categories! Ahh well.

I'm going of of 2.5 hours of sleep. I saw Star Wars and then after a bit came home and wrote a 10 page paper for class at 10:30. Amazingly enough I ended up finishing the paper in about 3 hours so at 6:30 went to sleep for a bit. That was nice! Now I'm going to bed before midnight... kinda rare this week to get ready for one last final tomorrow and packing and for my sister and mom and dad to arrive!
Public - 10:15 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it

I saw Star Wars! I wore the COSTUME! I am freakishly tired!
Yay! One more final left (take home), which I WILL GET DONE TODAY. No more procrastination allowed. I also must start packing... no more postponement, I know how Dad can get!
Public - 9:07 AM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it

How can something this amazingly cool and fantastic also suck so badly at the same time?

Have you ever had a moment that you were asked to describe who you are to someone relatively new and just balked and couldn't really think of all the activities and parts of your personality that combine to form you into an individual? I did this morning. Ok, so Campus Girl Scouts, Margaret Amini, teaching, which he already knew about anyways, and then I stopped because I just couldn't remember. How strange was that. I think it's hard to keep all that stored up in my head to be barfed out at a moments notice. Given another shot at this I would have preferred to go about this in a more languid and drawn out manner. Oh heck, I'm not making any sense. Point being, it's hard to talk about yourself to other people when they want to get to know you in a short amount of time. Stupid graduation.

Oh my gosh! I'm done with Honors! The presentation went well and the questions after I finished weren't too difficult. I had four friends come in place of my family which was soooo fantastic! I love those girls (Julie, Jade, Kim and Anne). And lots of people were wishing me well too and thank goodness for them. I'm DONE! WOOOO!!!

*Siiiiigggggggggghhhhhhhh*:)

I got past the screening interview for the Business/HR Intern postion at PVH and will be interviewing a second time this Friday! WOOO! I may have a job, I may be able to pay for the apartment (which my renter just called and questioned me about!) and I may be able to save money for school meaning I won't have to take out additional loans!!!!!!!
And after Saturday with the Honors Research Symposium (specifically, after 10am) I will have completed all my requirements to get honors in bio!! WOOO!
And that's about all I've got for now. I can't believe things are wrapping up finally. Sniff...

So this girl wants to interview me for her final journalism project because I dress up in costume for Star Wars events. Lol. Sarah (from work) told her that I do so then this girl contacted me. Why not? I think it is kinda funny. Too bad the costume isnt' completely done and too bad I don't have any pictures yet.
I faxed my apartment application to Sunray Apts. yesterday. Woo! It's really going to happen.
Most importantly I turned in my thesis on Friday afternoon. YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!
now on to some tidying of the room again. Maybe later I'll get some actual school work done.

Nothing much new going on. I should be stressed, but I don't really feel it right now. My thesis is due on Monday, but I'm not to concerned... well I'm concerned, but I'm not worried. And I've got two other papers due that same day, and then this Sunday is the Stoner Awards for which I'm mainly responsible for the technical aspects and I am trying to get that ready also.
Otherwise I saw Mary again yesterday and we went to Tellers for lunch. It was so nice to sit and chat with her again... it had been way too long. She also said she would love to come to dinner with me and my family graduation weekend, which is really nice of her! I'm going to miss my generous advisor when I head to... wherever I'm heading. I need to decide that soon. So that was nice to have some time away from campus yesterday. Meanwhile I'm off to class at 5 and work at 6:30! Adios.

What a happy weekend with Laura at the Celebration! I feel like I've been talking non-stop about it when I'm in the hall, and my roomies are probably tired of overhearing all the stories. Anyways, it was good, and fun and really illustrated some important things to me about numerous different areas.
We had our low day, we had the day we got to see Billy Dee Williams (dirty old man!) and the day I saw Lucas. Also the day we got our picture taken by random people, etc... Oh, and then the true road-trip day when we stopped for 2 hours in St. Louis to visit the Arch and Union Station. It was fun!

Well I finally received the letter from KU, the last school I am hearing back from in this 'search for the graduate school' (and interestingly their deadline was the soonest) and I did not get accepted to KU. Overall, I don't care, but there is a small part of me that is thinking, dang, I can't say I got accepted to all the schools I applied to. Oh well.
I got my senior picture proofs back today. I had Julie take some photos of me and amazingly there are at least 3 that I really like.
Now I have to write that paper... I mean seriously I need to write it. I have toyed around with it long enough. It is due tomorrow at 10am, I need to write this paper.
Adios!



I want to see your pictures! I'm sorry about KU, but at least you didn't want to go here anyway. It'll make your decision just a little easier.
Posted 4/19/2005 7:32 PM by steph421

I'm back from the day-long field trip and have gotten tons of sleep... unfortunately I am also sick. I can't find any way to get around it except admitting I'm sick. I hope it goes away by the time Laura comes on Wednesday.
Time for Mortar Board Initiation! Woo! I'm almost done with at least something else.



Laura's coming on Wednesday? How fun!
Posted 4/17/2005 11:28 AM by steph421

In Aschutz working on a scholarship I told the coordinator I'd get in today. She's not a very nice lady in my opinion... so it's a good thing I'm not going to graduate school here and don't have to deal with her later. I was up till 4am again last night. Sadly even when I went to bed I was probably up another 30-45 minutes just lying there hoping I'd wake up in time tomorrow to go teach... it's probably because my mind was still trying to figure out what to say for my scholarship application due today which kept me up all those hours. Seriously! How do you answer a question like: What motivates you? or When does a belief or value become a prejudice? or Write a narrative autobiography that is concise but includes everything important about why you are who you are. UHG! And the longer I spend this, the less amount of time I have to review for my test at 2:30 today. Great.



Ekk, those are really tough questions. I'm sorry Heather! Have you heard back from any more schools?
Posted 4/14/2005 5:16 PM by steph421

Hooray for the weekend! Shannon cut her hair super short, and I died mine dark brown. It actually looks much more red than I had expected, but it is a different change. It's not quite dark enough that it pops when you see me, at least I don't think so.

I had a fun time last night at work... not! The fool who signed up to work backstage didn't show so I had to set up the recording equipment and get that started then run downstairs to work backstage too. At least I'll probably get the go-ahead to put down double pay. Then after work I headed over to Fatso's (a bar on Mass.) and met up with Sarah and co. for her 21st birthday party. It was a fun night... but I was up way too late. I didn't get home till 4:30am, and for some crazy reason I woke up 4 hours later without an alarm and didn't get back to sleep. Grr. I'm tired.

Time for a tad bit more theory and some grading before bedtime.

So how much of a dork am I? I'm so looking forward to having my own place and the caviat is that I just came up with the idea to have a Father's Day Barbeque for my dad and Laura's Dad(s) and maybe unkles too at our place this summer. I thought it would be great to get the families together and so they can see our apartment. Maybe don't answer that dork question.
Ok, random musings. I'm going to go now. Miss Saigon tonight!

So luckily the paper that was supposed to be due next Monday is actually due the 18th. She's revised the syllabus so many times that it's hard to keep track of when things are due.
I've decided... I'll be living with Laura this summer for sure and we'll be living in an apartment at Sunray Apts. which is near Taft and Elizabeth. It's a 3rd floor with a deck and two bedrooms and two bathrooms. I'm in the small bedroom. I don't know why I'm not just living at home. It's so stuipid really... I may be heading away from home for good, why not spend a little more time with my family? I don't really know if they want me at home or not. But I think it was time to take a leap and do this, move out on my own. And this is like a trial period, being responsible for rent and food and utilities, before I go to Montana (if that is the case). So yeah, I'm still waiting to hear back from CSU.

So answer me this... when does a belief or value become a prejudice? Do all prejudices need to be overcome? I'd love to hear your thoughts:)

On to another week... hopefully more positive than the last. Except for the fact that next week I have a paper due and we haven't gotten back our theses from the teacher....
Lots to do... but I did got get my hairs cut this weekend! Woo! I don't look like a shaggy dog anymore. Also exciting is the fact that I'm going to start embroidering my corset this week... and I've already started sewing my roses on. Yay! If I can get it done in a week I'll be set.

The days just keep getting prettier and the smell in the air keeps getting sweeter. I love spring and summmer evenings... the smell of the air and the color of the sky and the feeling of peace. I learned what a magnolia looks like from Hannah yesterday during our morning walk. That's another thing I like, the newly started morning walk that Hannah and I are going to take. 7am bright and early but the air also has such a crisp quality to it and the sun hasn't completely risen above the buildings. Yesterday walking along by Fraser and William Allen White and Watson there were little easter eggs semi-hidden along the walkway. Hannah and I kept noticing them and were like, what's up!? Turns out when we got curious enough it was an advertising campaign by KJHK. How sweet was that? I don't think that I'll eat the candy inside though... that's a little scary.

I'm still waiting on my acceptance letter from CSU. I feel like I've been jinxing it though because I've been talking so much about the choice between Montana and CSU. Maybe I won't have a choice to make and I'll have to go to Montana... I hope not. Even if the choice is difficult, this is one I think I need to make. Anytime after yesterday... so any day now I should be receiving a letter.

And I still haven't heard from KU. I almost wonder if I ever will. I don't care if I get in or not, I'm not coming back here, but I would like to know either way!

Today I get to volunteer at the friends of the library booksale for two hours and I get my hair cut. I'm also going to be ridiculously prodctive today. I was last night except I didn't get to the studying I wanted to. I cleaned, and it was good.

PS-I didn't manage to get skiing over break:(

It is already Wednesday! Good heavens! It was a 14 hour trip to Missoula (projected at 12, but there was bad weather around Butte, MT and a long wait for lunch in Sheridan, WY) and a very tiring day in Missoula. I also am still freaked out to no end by driving, not my driving, but when I'm not driving and have to rely on someone else (and let's face the facts, it was my Mom... I'm less trusting of her driving now... and it drives me nuts she says it was just the black ice. I mean, come on! Nobody else that day flipped a car on that exact corner you went around too fast.) I was so tense and scared and I don't know what to do to fix that. Just more driving on highways in the mountains with my mother, I guess. That stupid accident, and then my stupid accident just made me crazy I guess.

Missoula is SOOO far away. It was really cloudy when we drove out on Sunday, and the land up there is hilly so it often felt like we were driving off the end of the earth. I don't know what I'm going to do. It is so far away from everyone I love, but the school is a good one, and my advisor is so nice and he was so complimentary. I wish the decision would just be an easy one. I know it will not be easy, it will be so hard. Of course you will hear about my decision when I make one. And the deadline to make it is fast approaching. Mid April I will know where I'll be next year.
The drive home was similarly exhausting. It took 13 hours... so I'm thinking Mapquest lies. Well, maybe it doesn't lie, but it doesn't factor in all the gas stops you need to take as well as the breaks from driving, or the tickets you get from friendly Montana policemen. Yes, I got a ticket, the first ticket I've ever gotten. Add that to the list of crazy things Heather done. At least it wasn't within my first year of owning my own car. Can you really blame me? Montana is a very large state, and after a day of thinking what my life would be like in Missoula (for a soul like mine it is incredibly exhausting) I wanted to get home ASAP. The rest of the way I went back to my normal routine of not speeding. I mean, serously I am so careful about that sort of thing. I never speed. Ha! Go figure. And it was with my mom in the car. Lol.

Hmm. It looks like a lot is going on right now in my head, doesn't it? Lets just say I'll be glad to hang with Laura and see Ryan and friends. Let's just say I'll be glad to be home in KS on Sunday. Let's just say I'll be incredibly glad when my last 10 hour drive to Kansas is over, because there won't be any more after spring break unless I visit friends... and then, I may just fly!

Yay home! Yay trip to Montana that starts in aproximately 0 minutes. Well, I'm waiting on my mom. She decided to take a shower, I think because she thought I was going to take one, but really I was only washing my hair.

The drive home to CO was uneventful, thank God. It went quickly and it was soooo nice to be able to belt it out to Wizard with nobody in the next room:)
Hopefully skiing is still in the plans for this weekend.
Gotta go!

The letter finally came from Montana. I've been accepted to my program and the school!!! This is the excited feeling I've been waiting for... maybe that means Montana is where I want to be. For the past few months I've not been sure where I want to go, thinking my top three were all fairly close together. Maybe that's not the case, because I'm so excited to hear that I got accepted.

I talked with Mom last night and I'm going to try and see if there is a way to get up to Missoula for a visit. Sadly though, the trip is a 12 hour drive, no trains go between Denver and Missoula... even Montana, the flight tickets to get up there are worse even than the price I get from KC to Denver (which I thought were bad!) ie: $500-600+ dollars. I don't know how I'll be able to get up there. I wish Unkle Tom lived in Denver still, we could probably convince him to fly us up there in Big Bird. So, it's time to ask the school for money or help getting up to visit the school. Oh please let them help!

Otherwise the idea for a few day ski trip to Summit County fell through because the hostel that I wanted to stay at is full. So hopefully a day or two individual trips. Mom wants to come with me to ski, so that may work out to my advantage and still give me a day I can go alone or with a friend or two. Course if I head up to Montana... that will take three days minimum from my vacation time. But it would be so cool to see the town and area!

Hmmm, you know this is going to be a big consideration, if it is that expensive to fly home or for friends to visit me. If I head there I should have some good money saved up for Thanksgiving and Christmas visits, because it will cost around $1,200 dollars to come home. Yikes! Maybe I should get my pilot's liscence. It would probably cost about that much to get certified. Course, I have no plane. Dang! I could end up being so isolated up there. I mean, my family is not rich, and Dad just went through another budget cut at work... his good boss was laid-off and Dad's being transferred to a new department with less pay. Uhg, I realize more and more that much of what drives me is money, and I hate that!

http://www.padawansguide.com/flowered_images.shtml

This is a link to reference pictures of the dress I'm making for Star Wars Celebration Three. I've finally started working on it, but should get lots accomplished within the next two weeks!

I'm so excited! I had time last night to just relax and not study and so I started on my costume! I mean, I started, really truly started and I have now almost completed the cape! All I have to do is edge it, and that means getting Kellee to loan me her sewing machine and buying some varieagated (sp?) thread. WOOHOO!

In case anyone is wondering, the dress I am on my way to re-producing is the following:
Ok, well I'm having a hard time getting a picture posted, so you'll just have to wait!

Currently Playing
Anne
By Hagood Hardy
see related

Sigh... I just got back from dropping Naomi off at the Best Western her group was staying at. It was so wonderful having her! I haven't seen her since last Christmas Break, but it was just like a day hadn't passed. So this weekend was great, just getting to spend time together. We both graduate (she's finishing in three years... yikes!) this year. I told her she should call my parents and come out with them to see me graduate... and really that invite is to everyone I know:) My padres will have an extra seat in the car since I'm not with them. It's a new car too! lol May 22nd keeps getting closer and closer.

My weekend really feels like it starts on Thursday after 4pm, because though I teach Friday I have no classes. So the weekend was a great one for more than Naomi visiting. Thursday night Steph and I cooked dinner for the three of us (Ben included... neither of us is bi-polar). It was exactly what I needed: to be away from the hall and spend quality time with good friends. More of this will be occuring.

I try not to think too much about the whole graduating and leaving all of my friends here and moving somewhere completely new where I know nobody. I like the idea of moving somewhere new, but that previous statement I don't like. I have such amazing friends here.
Time for a tad more sleep before I actually truly start my day.

OH! One last thing. Naomi and I watched Anne of Green Gables last night... sooooo wonderful! I Hadn't seen it in a while, and Naomi was the best person to see it with when I did!

A good night all around tonight. More goodness to come, I can tell.
So, on the schedule for the rest of the week: a lab practical in aquatic ecology lab tomorrow, shouldn't be too bad. I just need to read through my results and read up on lentic and lotic ecosystems. Thursday is the start of the end of the week and that night I'll be making dinner with Stephanie for her and Ben and I, which will be great. Then Friday Naomi comes to visit for the SWE weekend event on campus.

So, I'm off to study before bed. Lets hope theory class tomorrow is more interactive than Monday when my group just sat there and didn't want to discuss how different critics view genre theory!

Currently Reading
The Summer of the Great-Grandmother (Crosswicks Journal, Book 2)
By Madeleine L'Engle
see related

I've started reading Madeleine L'Engle's book "The Summer of the Great Grandmother" an autobiography/non-fiction of sorts in which she discusses dealing with her mother's decline into senility and how she and the family coped. I can't believe it took me this long to realize I should read it, given the situation with Grandma. No, she's not going senile, but she does have some memory problems, and most things seem to be at a point of resolution right now.
Nevertheless, I think it will be a comforting book to read. Thank you Ms. L'Engle!

ps-I woke up to singing birds this morning... Spring is definetly on the way!!!

Oh yeah... I found out for certain I've been accepted to both U of Idaho and the graduate program I want to study in. Woop!
Tonight: 7pm at Screenland in Kansas City for the evening of academy award short films:) Yay!
And one more thing... I'm officially graduating... I purchased my cap and gown and announcements yesterday!

"Your application for admission to the College of Graduate Studies and supporting credentials have been reviewed. We are pleased to inform you that you have been granted tentative acceptance for the Fall 2005 semester. This acceptance allows you to register for classes, secure university housing, and process your financial aid if applicable."
WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO! I've been accepted somewhere. I am so thankful and so relieved! Now I just wait to find out more from my the College of Natural Resources and the Master of Natural Resources Department. Hopefully this letter signifies the beginning of all my colleges responding:)

Currently Playing
Keep It Together
By Guster
wishing I had the whole album
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EDIT:
And now, a poem:

I stand on an edge, overlooking the world
One leap and I enter it
Should I stay, I do not grow
At least I’ll always have the choice

I look behind me
Pictures of a life lived
Shy, laugher, growth, learning
My feet shuffle forward, toes hang over the edge...
Still I stare back at all I’ve known

I can feel excitement crawling up my legs
I feel reluctance tugging at my brain
To enter the world or remain static
I smile to myself as I leap forward
Into the world

It was rough tonight, finalizing relationship issues, I'd not done it before and new thoughts keep springing up in my mind about break-ups. Do we feel like we need to make a point because it is the last time we get to try and change that person? In any case, I have no regrets, though I probably should. All I can say is I've learned some important things, and that now is the time for anger and sadness to pass, it is time to move on.

~~~~~~~
So I worked last night and it went quite well. I was working backstage and with a nice Sophmore, Candace. She's who I shadowed, so she taught me all about it and the recital went very well. Luckily I work with her again at recording on Tuesday for the Graduate Honors Recital auditions. So that's fun. It felt kinda cool to be turning lights up and down and opening the door for the performer and even placing stuff out on stage. So, I guess despite the initial misgivings, I'm going to be ok at this job.
Working on more grading again today. I also have a Mortar Board meeting and a house meeting. I am also going to try to get my research stuff done today as well so I can start up again with Craig ASAP.

Working on grading. Adios!

So today was really tough. I had class 10-6:30 with aproximately 2 hours breaks on and off througout the day... this block of classes also included my 3.5 hour aquatic ecology lab, which is fun but I have to get cleaned up again after it because we get wet and sweaty etc... Then today I substitute taught for Leila in her evening lab 6:30-9:30 with Dave (who is her UTA and quite nice even if he's a cell biologist). THEN I came home to a phone message from him (fuck fuck fuck). Sheesh. I'm tired and have a test tomorrow and have to get the quizzes graded to hand out tomorrow morning and don't have my usual time to study tomorrow afternoon because I've got to sit out at Girl Scout cookie booth sales....
anyways, I just had to complain a little bit. it was a long day and isn't nearly over b/c I still have to finish grading and I need to study at least a little bit before slumber. But you know, it wasn't that bad of a day, just long. I stopped by the booth sales at Wescoe Beach today (our first day!) and things were going swell. They'd already sold a bunch in just the first 10 minutes of being set up! Sweetness! I love planning things so they work out well. And this is me, this is all me. I organized everything barring the signing up of troops. I'm so incredibly proud of me and of the group. All the times we have available are due to the willingness of the group to sign up to help! WOOT!
So, if you need your GS cookie fix, come on up to Wescoe Beach during the next few weeks. I'm there tomorrow from 12:20 to 2:30 and Friday from 12:20-3:30!
Have a nice evening everyone!!
(sorry about the foul language)

Big sigh......

Sam is gone. It was so fun having her here! She got to see where I live and what my life has been like the past 3.5 years. She arrived Friday night at about 8pm and we had some dinner together. Then we went up to see The Notebook at the Union (I <3 Union movies!!!) and it was good and sad and weepy. Then we came home and went to bed after talking for a bit. It was also a crazy night Friday night anyway because Shannon went rushing off to help a friend in need and Sara and I were all worried. But things are better now I believe. Anyways, yesterday I woke up way too early but I had to anyways to go do produce prep. for Abbey. It was nice and relaxing and took less than an hour. So I came back upstairs and waited for Sam to wake up. I'm glad she got to sleep in a bit, she was so tired. She woke up and we got ready and around noon we headed to KC(Missouri! ) and The Plaza. It was fun, we didn't get lost at all, only missed a few turns.... We ambled around and looked at stores and bought a bunch of stuff at Bath and Body Works (the guy was an amazing salesman!). I don't know that we did anything spectacular but it felt like a spectacular visit. It was just SO NICE being with my sister again. So anyways, we drove back home to Lawrence for dinner that was fantastic. Then we went to visit Stephanie so Sam could see her place. It was so nice talking with Steph. I think we could talk forever, Steph and I, and still have things to talk about. Or maybe it's just been a while since I saw her. Anyway, I almost felt like I imposed... we kinda just invited ourselves over... but I think it was ok in the end. It forced Miss Steph to eat dinner (Steph... bad you!). So, after that Sam and I headed to Target so she could get a gift for Tony for V-day (more like D-day if you ask me) and then we met up with Anna and Colleen and Colleen's friends at Rudy's and chatted before heading over to Cold Stone. Then Sam and I came back to the hall and talked for quite a while and watched SNL together and just chilled.

So, in conclusion, it stinks to see her leaving, but it was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO wonderful to have her visit. I love Sunny Sam.

I'm really glad I have class tomorrow evening. I can just forget all about the Valentine's Day I almost had with a boyfriend. j/k I'm not that bitter... really.

DOH! I forgot to tell about the OK trip... hmm, we're getting long here. Ok, quickly:

The Oklahoma Trip was FANTASTIC!! 5 hours down, 4 hours of concert, which for the first hour or so we thought was very strange (Ben Kweller isn't Ben Folds!!). We had a picnic in the hatchback of my car halfway through the evening, and after the concert at midnight I taught Shannon how to drive stick in the Lloyd Noble parking lot, which she learned in an amazing 30 minutes!!! So, then that meant I didn't have to drive again till 2am when we switched (being somewhere outside of Wichita). We had some good conversation and I finally overcame my driving fear (due to the two car wrecks) but not my passenger side fear (everything looks different from the otherside of the car). We got back to Lawrence at 6am and I slept till maybe 11:30am (totally not enough sleep). It was so worth it, this trip. I needed to do this, and am very glad I did.

Life is good, it could be better, but you have to live in the moment and not let that other goodness you don't have bother you! Happy Day!

WHY? WHY would he try to contact me? I told him I didn't want to be friends if he was going to be the way he was. WHY? And to top it off I heard from Chris this week too. I don't do this to people I used to date. I don't torment them by suddenly popping back into being! Life in this area isn't fun right now. I need to be strong and single right now.

Thursday night/afternoon and Friday morning: random (and by random I mean completely so) trip to Oklahoma to see a concert with Shannon. 1st concert I'll have ever been to and first time in OK. Hopefully everything will be ok. I'm dubious of the highway still. And it's a 10 hour trip or so. But we'll be fine, right?

The Fat Tuesday Mardi Gras party was absolutly wonderful! I am so proud of all the women in this hall, I mean, we really pulled together to make the party a hit. It was well decorated, had good food, and lots of our girls came! We did an even greater job considering the co-sponsor of the event, KK, didn't even send any guys over to help decorate except JP and Lance. JP didn't do one thing (that I know about) to help and ended up going to a concert during the event, and Lance was a god. He was so helpful and nice. Then the other KK guys come and steal the pop to take home with them. Come On!
So I was basically busy last night from 5-11ish setting up and cleaning up. But it was a hit, we had a large number of Schol Hallers come despite the 3 inches or so of snow:) We threw beads, had a lot of karaoke singing.
Afterwards because of a little planned spontenaity Shannon and I walked over to the Hawk at about midnight. She had mentioned earlier that she hadn't been and maybe wanted to see it. So, we did. It was fun, course when you are around drunks it is more fun to be drunk too (I'm assuming) so it wasn't the most fun we could have had, but it was all the fun we wanted to have! It was a good shock back to the reality of campus life. This is a huge part of the culture in college and though I don't really understand the whole getting drunk constantly bit, it was fun. We talked, looked around, saw some people we know and then headed back up the hill to go to bed. I may have to go back with more friends. There was dancing downstairs:) It reminded me of the fun times at the bar this summer with the teachers.
And now I've got to dig my car out of the snow so I can get to class!

Well, I think that grading will be going alright for another week at least. For some reason Hangkyo seems to be obsessed with keeping the averages all very similar amongs the three labs we teach. I understand why you wouldn't want one lab with an average of 87 and one with 95, but ours weren't different like that... they were 97,96,92... not that different. All As. And maybe I grade too hard, but if, as he put it, we are expecting them to perfect their labs while working on them in class then why grade 'easy'? I guess I'll never get used to grading. It's always been what I have the hardest time with. I want my students to succeed, and by in large, I believe all my students do, but that doesn't mean they are always doing A work. I don't know. Any help from the teachers out there?
Anyways... Samantha's visit starts Friday!!! And it is snowing to beat heck!!! Yahoo!

Currently Playing No Name Face By Lifehouse see related

Nothing much new today. Just procrastinating my work... however I don't have an awful lot I need to get done by tomorrow. Currently I am getting slightly annoyed at the GTA I work with when teaching 150 labs. He wants to grade everything in each lab report, not just two or three problems. So I do this, and finish my first round of grading the new way and of grading a new bunch of kids. My average is lower than his two and he suggests that to keep lab averages similar I grade all the lab reports and he does all the quizes. Seeing as though he is already letting me do a lot more work than last time I 'team' taught I feel like his priorities are more important than mine, just because he is a graduate student. Maybe I'm not being fair. Anyways, I do not want to grade 74+ lab reports fully each week. I could barely keep up when I did this last semester with only grading 2-3 questions. I guess I just need to let him know this. GRR. Jason was so easy to work with... I miss him!

Nina gave me a copy of her Lifehouse CD. I love it!! Woohoo, thanks Nina! Hanging by a Moment is my favorite song so far... course I liked it before listening to the entire cd.

Currently Playing Love Actually By Various Artists see related

I talked today to some old friends, which was really great. I'm hoping that we can continue to build up the friendship again because I miss it! We were fairly close a few years ago and I'd like to get there again.

I had a short bout of missing being in a relationship the other day. I don't miss Ryan, I miss the time we spent together before break. It was nice! Then he became who he really was or changed or something. Anyway, aside from short bouts of missing that feeling I'm doing pretty well.

I found out for certain yesterday that Samantha is coming to visit me too! So Naomi and Sam are coming, which is super super exciting! Sam is coming next weekend, Fri and Sat, and Naomi is coming March 4-6. YAY! I wish more friends could visit;)

I had a productive day today. Ended up finally getting to Goodwill to find some nicer clothes for my new job. It took a lot of searching, but I found some great items and managed to purchase 2 pairs of black pants, a long grey skirt (Gap!) and a nice button down blouse for 14 dollars. A steal:) Now I'll look nice for work. Speaking of which, my first day on the job Wednesday did not go well, as simple as the job was. I didn't get any hands-on training, and I know none was necessary... however a map of Murphy would have been nice so I'd have known the Black Box Theatre is different than the Inge! But the situation was rectified and I was there to hand out the Rec 100 slips at Intermission. Nobody took them, so I left work early. Kinda sad though, I could have gotten to see the opera for free if I'd been in the right place at the right time.
Working on a quiz for film class then heading to the rec center to get my workout on!

Yay! I should be getting pictures from last semester in the mail on Thursday:) A package from home is always nice, but especially with pictures.

My last textbook arrived yesterday afternoon, joy!

Talked with Laura today, we should be getting our car rental soon. Also exciting news: friend Naomi is coming to visit for REAL in March! Super super exciting!!! Life is good:)

Currently Playing Garden State By Various Artists see related

What I am thankful for:

The Garden State CD, teddy bears, my dad, and most importantly my fantastic roommates.

Ryan broke up with me, it is official. I went to sleep w/ the teddy bears while listening to the Garden State CD. My dad called the same night and when I told him he was so wonderful, and my roommates have been so kind and have made me keep laughing. It's hard to feel better when you wish you could say more things to him, but know it wouldn't matter anyways. It's hard to understand how it happened when I was just me... I guess that is what happens when you get mixed up with the scummy ones. Nonetheless, I'm not too down. Life right now is a bunch easier without a guy mucking about!

I've heard or talked to all my graduate schools and all my applications are completed. I'm still paying off the application fees... but the important thing is that I am DONE with applying!!! I should be talking to professors at my schools and getting my name out there but it's hard to motivate myself to do it.

Laundry time!

It's been a while. School has started, and I'm so glad it is Monday. I only had one class last week and my mind needed the classes to keep it from thinking too much about other things!

Grandma had a stint in the hospital, but is now out but at a recovery center or something. Hopefully she'll recover so she can go back to her new place with Tami. She's in a facility now... how awful does that sound? I've heard it is nice though.

Grandma seems to be doing much better. She's finally with her full-time care-provider and they seem to be getting along quite well. Tami actually got her out of bed and to the kitchen table for about 2 hours around breakfast time. She's getting Grandma to stand up straight and work her muscles. It's fantastic to see her smiling again!

Boys still stink, but everyone says he's just being a boy, which make sense. Tuesday I drive back to KU. Woot. Today I helped Laura (bestest friend in the whole wide world) move into the KAT house, and boy does she have a huge room, and the girls there seem nice that I met. I'm glad she's away from her parent's houses. She's coming over to help me pack up tomorrow!

Looking forward to my last semester, as long as I figure out what I'm doing after May 22nd!

Currently Watching Mad About You - The Complete First Season see related

I hate boys, why don't they make any sense? Or, why don't they call? Either is a very valid question.

My grandma had some issues this weekend and now has a hard time walking and getting up from sitting. So, today we move her from her home of many years to a new home way the heck out of town (the other side of I-25). It's better than a nursing home, I'll admit. She'll be living in an actual house with another older person who needs assistance and there is a live-in care-provider. There are 6 of these homes that are just now opening to be rented, and future plans are for the residents to get to know each other etc. It's just so sad, the house I also partly grew up in is no longer. I can only hope that we keep it long enough that if I find out that I'm accepted to CSU and decide to go there I can rent it from my unkles and dad. That would be super handy. So, life has been SO crazy this break. I think it was a good break for the most part, but so many new/crazy/bad/wierd things have happened. And I lost so much time with the jury duty. I have a ton I'd like to do but don't know if it will be accomplished. Meh.
Time to go be productive (while trying to sneak in a bit more Mad About You watching - I got the season 1 DVD for Christmas!!). Everyone enjoy your last full week of 'freedom'!

It's a new year! Woo! 2004 was a crazy, fun-filled, completely packed and entirely eventful and life-changing year. Wow. 2005 had better be as good. If it isn't, hopefully I'll at least continue getting to know the newer confident me.

Sadly the graduate school apps aren't in yet. KU's is almost completely done, and the application has actually been sent it, but the rest of the materials have to go. The other schools require a modification to the KU essay and also applying and sending in the additional materials. I should be able to get it done tomorrow AND visit the dentist. Given that my car starts. I think it is just a bit too cold for my poor little car. On the plus side, it now gets to live in the garage. The downside is why. Thursday Mom, Sam and I were headed up the Poudre Canyon to go cross-country skiing. We ended up hitting some black ice and to make a long story short (and my eyes were firmly closed!) we tipped the SUV into the ditch on the side of the road. Only on the side, it wasn't technically a roll-over accident. Anyway, we're all here and the car doesn't appear to be THAT damaged (oh please let it not be). And the crazy thing is, only bruises, no cuts (though two windows broke), no breaks, no hospital visits, and the rented skis in the back seat were un-damaged. I have a feeling we won't be skiing this winter, partly because of the missing SUV, but also it seems like an omen. I am so thankful though. I can still picture the car in my mind, still feel what I felt when I opened my eyes. You don't think these things actually happen to YOU, but they do.

As to the relationship. It sucks being far away, on relationship 'pause.' I had a freak-out last week. I suddenly felt kinda annoyed, and I felt like I'd lost the spark and that I maybe didn't like him. I was really worried. I mean, this is me afterall. I was worried I'd hurt the poor guy, because it seems like he is really into me. All it took was a bit of time, and I also talked with Laura and things are better now. I just get scared. However, now I'm worried that I said something to turn him away from me. Go figure. I don't know how this works and I'm no good at it, but I thought it might get a bit easier. I wish I was back in Lawrence.

But, no simpathy. I'm actually doing quite fine. Life is good, I can't complain. I'm here, healthy, unbroken, and relaxing. Or I will be once I get the apps done! Adios

Wow! I'm done, and I'm not going home till tomorrow. Wow. I do want to get going today, but I'm not even packed and the extra time would be nice. So, here I stay.
Last night, what a night, and the night before, what a night! I'm beginning to get used to someone liking me, I think. Thursday was bowling and looking at the stars and deciding we could be seriously dating. Last night Ryan came over after work and we watched some TV and just relaxed. I was so tired last night. Then when he left (at 7) I went downstairs for food and ended up spending the next two hours helping clean out the fridges with my 'little sister'.
So today I pack, service my car (w/ gas, fill the tires) and maybe hang out with Kellee for a bit and relax. Since I'm going to have lots of extra time, I am thinking of trying to finish up my applications once and for all. It's a good goal, and probably one I could get almost completely done.
Calling Ryan, letting him know I'm in town still today is not a sure thing. I don't know why. I think I'm still trying to get over the idea that not all boys are scum (thanks Dad).
The semester is OVER!!!

Hehehe:) These are funny!

You're Canada! People make fun of you a lot, but they're stupid because you've got a much better life than they do. In fact, they're probably just jealous. You believe in crazy things like human rights and health care and not dying in the streets, and you end up securing these rights for yourself and others. If it weren't for your weird affection for ice hockey, you'd be the perfect person.

Who could have predicted it?

You're Colorado!You really enjoy getting high. Even though it's often a lot of work, the view from the top is almost always worth the effort. Your distance from others makes your relationship with them rather rocky at times, but they do look up to you. Be very careful around schools. And stop being quite so focused on the number 5,280!
http://bluepyramid.org/ia/squiz.htm

The other state I ended up? Montana:)

The paper, for the most part, is DONE! YAYYAYAYAYAYAYAY! I'm going out again with Ryan:) Things are good, if I can just make it through that physics final I didn't study for... oh, and biostats.

Sooo being threatened with jail by three cops tonight wasn't in the plans. A bunch of the amini kids and a pearsonite went to watch the meteor shower tonight at this place that really only two people knew about. Setting the scene, it's about 11:45, Seth, Rich and the others are already up there and Shannon, Mike, Sara, Nick and I are arriving. It is very dark and the park closes at 10, which we all laugh about as we climb through the iron fence...

an hour later after deciding we'd had enough of the meteors and 'bumper molecules' and the cold we start walking down the hill when three flashlights suddenly light up, shining right at us. They were just floating there with voices speaking at us telling us to stop right there. Whoa! Freaky times 10! So yeah, somehow they found us there and were sitting and waiting for us to come down? They surrounded us (3 cops!) and started the questioning. One of the first identifying questions they ask? Who's got the car with Colorado plates? ..... me ...... YIKES!!!!! Anyway, we then got a lecture about terrorists and not tresspassing on Corps of Engineers land bla-de-blah blah. And they let us go and you could hear them laughing as we got into our cars and sped (not really very fast) away. Nice.

Time for bed and tomorrow I SHALL finish this darn ecology paper.

One last field ecology picture (sniff!) Trying to identify a tree! There are tons of pictures of this sort if you are interested. They're kinda funny (to me) http://www.xanga.com/private/www.ku.edu/~kuesp

Sooo the lunch and subsequent trip to Target may go down in my book as worst date ever, or at least lamest. However yesterday (because that deserved a second try) was really nice despite my freaking out towards the end of it. Hmmm, the Target Date and the Heather Freaks Out Date seem like a rather dubious beginning. But somehow he still thinks I'm nice (we had hours of good conversation before I freaked). So we'll go out again when I've calmed down and am used to the idea.

Christmas caroling to the halls tonight went... well. We got lots of cookies, hit Miller during their hall meeting, Stephenson's SHD let us in, but when we tried to sing to the guys in the living room they turned a stereo on to dround us out and the guys at GP gave us dirty magazines that some of the girls actually took! Shannon had it under control though and they were quickly deposited into the dumpster. EWWWW!

The Da Vinci Code? Finished! So good? YES!
Strange happenings today. I've finally been set up and it worked out ok. Ahh the strangeness of learning people were receiving updates periodically during our conversation as various people left and then re-entered the room. Kellee was like "I heard it went well tonight" WHAT?? How'd she find out? Kim's updates. Not that there was much to update on. Anyway, lunch tomorrow.
I'm done with Physics (for the most part, only a final left)! And to top it all off, I got a 100 percent on my last unit test today!! Woohoo! I've come soooo far (those of you who know how far... bask in the glory that is a triumphant return from F-hood by your dear friend!)!
I'm off to bed because I am clearly too loopy to be making much sense tonight (as Shannon and Seth can vouch for, and the mittens I tried to start knitting)
ps-I am absolutly no good at knitting, but I shall perservere! Those mittens are as good as made! ...maybe...

Currently Reading The Da Vinci Code By Dan Brown see related

Things are going well, and I'm quite enjoying my next foray into a good book... this time for older audiences. The Da Vinci Code is so interesting:) Physics test tomorrow, but I don't have to go to lab tomorrow so that's ok! I'm done teaching for the semester and it was nice and sadish. I am done with my field ecology course for which I am sad. It was an amazing class. And I'm almost sad that my advanced biology seminar class is over too. Tonight I helped Sara study for a micro test all because I had that class and we had a teacher come and discuss his research into T-cells! I've learned an awful lot this semester, and I'm impressed considering what other things I've had on my mind. Time for bed (and some last minute reading of Dan Brown!)